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How to make your own douchebag

Douching is fun, or so the saying goes. Premium douche equipment isn't affordable for many douching enthusiasts, but that doesn't mean that you can't get in on the 'fun' too. If you're a good scrounger, you can make a HUGE doucher with no money. A couple of bucks'll get you the goods to make that squirtbag last a lifetime. Read on for douche instructions - how to construct your own reusable ghetto homemade douche bag.

Materials:
1 Pastry bag (The bigger the better. Attachments optional. Save $$, make your own bag.)
1 Quantity vinegar (Other concoctions work too. Experiment. Feeling uninventive? Use H20)
1 Piece of chewing gum

SAFETY FIRST - ALWAYS WEAR EYE PROTECTION!

Let's make it!
1. First, get your gum to a nice moistened consistency (chew it, you douchebag) and then attach it to the hole at the small end of your pastry bag. We're doing this to prevent vinegar from getting all over your cheap t-shirt after the final building phase. Other methods work too, so figure something out if you can't find any gum.

2. And finally, pry the large end of the pastry bag apart. This takes great concentration and unbelievable strength. Call a friend for help if you need it.

You're done. Now have fun!
Fill your new Douchebag9000 with the vinegar and go nuts.

Tricking out your new homemade douche
-- Try putting some cool stickers or decals on your doucheroo. It adds character to an otherwise boring pastry bag.
-- Add food coloring to your douching liquid. Use your bag to make unique tie-dye apparel. What fun.
-- Mix chocolate chips or nuts into your vinegar for added douching texture and flavor. Taking a douche has never been so fun. Follow douche instructions carefully. And have fun with your db!

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